Michael has become a friend. We know a lot about one another. I'm probably more comfortable with him than anyone else here. One thing he said the other day made me smile, and continues to do so.
We were chatting, and I mentioned something about arthritis (I think we were on fingerless gloves). Michael made a face and said, "That really must not be fun." I smiled, and shrugged. "I'll live." He looked me right in the eye and just said, "I know." I looked puzzled, not sure exactly what he was saying. "I can tell. I know you well enough."
That comment made me super happy. I am so glad that the impression I give someone in the first week of knowing them is that yes, I have an autoimmune disease, but it does NOT define me, I'm more than that.
Very happy about that.
Saturday 24 October 2009
Wednesday 14 October 2009
Growing pains
My life has changed a huge amout over the last few days. I've gone to university! I am now a fully-fledged member of the University of York, top 10 university overall and top 4 for Biology.
Can I say this without sounding like a cheesy movie voiceover? I shall try.
My experiences over the past few days have shown me how much I have grown. There was a time that eating in a restaurant, staying in a hotel or even at someone else's house would have me in a panic. Now, I am living somewhere new, I know no one, I am sharing a kitchen with 11 other people, and I am doing alright. Yes, it is difficult. It is definitely not perfect. But I am doing alright and I do not want to go home.
I've met some good people. I can only count two of them, Michael and Shaun, as proper friends now. There is a chasm of difference between these two boys. Michael is a privately educated scholarship boy, with every d-thing you can name (dyslexic, dyspraxic, d...iabetic) and a neatness compulsion. He also has some of the most horrifying dysfunctional family stories I have ever heard. Shaun is a very Northern emo/goth/alternative guy. He's very into black humour and alternative/metal music. He dyes his hair frequently. He comes from a loving family and has only moved half an hour away because he will miss his dogs. I get on so well with both of them, I really think we will be attached in some way for the rest of our courses. What would happen if I introduced Michael to Shaun I can't imagine!
Now onto the stuff that is relevant to this blog, I'm sorry to keep you waiting so long!
Whilst Michael was being so honest about all his Ds, and another chap mentioned he had dyspraxia too, I decided to jump in with my medical condition. I have Juvenile Arthritis. This prompted a high five from Michael, who has arthritis in his foot following a 50 mile an hour bike crash into a tree. Upon explanation that I have the autoimmune form, therefore all my joints are affected, he was very sympathetic. But not in an irritating way. Let's just say he was understanding, and I felt extremely comfortable talking to him about it.
This was a revelation for me. I don't usually talk about my arthritis in real life, and only my closest friends know it. It was so odd to tell someone so soon, but it felt good.
Expressing the fact I am in pain is a next step - we will see what we can do.
Can I say this without sounding like a cheesy movie voiceover? I shall try.
My experiences over the past few days have shown me how much I have grown. There was a time that eating in a restaurant, staying in a hotel or even at someone else's house would have me in a panic. Now, I am living somewhere new, I know no one, I am sharing a kitchen with 11 other people, and I am doing alright. Yes, it is difficult. It is definitely not perfect. But I am doing alright and I do not want to go home.
I've met some good people. I can only count two of them, Michael and Shaun, as proper friends now. There is a chasm of difference between these two boys. Michael is a privately educated scholarship boy, with every d-thing you can name (dyslexic, dyspraxic, d...iabetic) and a neatness compulsion. He also has some of the most horrifying dysfunctional family stories I have ever heard. Shaun is a very Northern emo/goth/alternative guy. He's very into black humour and alternative/metal music. He dyes his hair frequently. He comes from a loving family and has only moved half an hour away because he will miss his dogs. I get on so well with both of them, I really think we will be attached in some way for the rest of our courses. What would happen if I introduced Michael to Shaun I can't imagine!
Now onto the stuff that is relevant to this blog, I'm sorry to keep you waiting so long!
Whilst Michael was being so honest about all his Ds, and another chap mentioned he had dyspraxia too, I decided to jump in with my medical condition. I have Juvenile Arthritis. This prompted a high five from Michael, who has arthritis in his foot following a 50 mile an hour bike crash into a tree. Upon explanation that I have the autoimmune form, therefore all my joints are affected, he was very sympathetic. But not in an irritating way. Let's just say he was understanding, and I felt extremely comfortable talking to him about it.
This was a revelation for me. I don't usually talk about my arthritis in real life, and only my closest friends know it. It was so odd to tell someone so soon, but it felt good.
Expressing the fact I am in pain is a next step - we will see what we can do.
Monday 5 October 2009
The Monster
Sometimes the pain creeps up on me.
It's October. The weather is changing, the long dry spell is ending, and my body knows it.
On Friday evening I was at Rangers. I was sitting, watching the others do each other's hair, planning for an open night for which I won't be present. About halfway through, after an hour of sitting the pain surges in my hips, and that added to the all-over pain I have thanks to the weather is just too much. Before I clock the pain my mood nosedives, and I become mean, bitter and irritable. I withdraw into myself, remove myself from the conversation and start playing a game on my iPod. When I have something to add, I am not listened to, so I raise my voice, change my manner so I am condescending, and I imply that the girls are all young and stupid. I apologise hastily, but the damage is done.
When I get home I take painkillers. Within half an hour, I can detect no difference in my pain level whatsoever, but there is just enough space in my head to be a decent human being.
I need to learn how to deal with my pain before I turn into a monster. We'll work on that.
It's October. The weather is changing, the long dry spell is ending, and my body knows it.
On Friday evening I was at Rangers. I was sitting, watching the others do each other's hair, planning for an open night for which I won't be present. About halfway through, after an hour of sitting the pain surges in my hips, and that added to the all-over pain I have thanks to the weather is just too much. Before I clock the pain my mood nosedives, and I become mean, bitter and irritable. I withdraw into myself, remove myself from the conversation and start playing a game on my iPod. When I have something to add, I am not listened to, so I raise my voice, change my manner so I am condescending, and I imply that the girls are all young and stupid. I apologise hastily, but the damage is done.
When I get home I take painkillers. Within half an hour, I can detect no difference in my pain level whatsoever, but there is just enough space in my head to be a decent human being.
I need to learn how to deal with my pain before I turn into a monster. We'll work on that.
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