The Monster

Sometimes the pain creeps up on me.
It's October. The weather is changing, the long dry spell is ending, and my body knows it.
On Friday evening I was at Rangers. I was sitting, watching the others do each other's hair, planning for an open night for which I won't be present. About halfway through, after an hour of sitting the pain surges in my hips, and that added to the all-over pain I have thanks to the weather is just too much. Before I clock the pain my mood nosedives, and I become mean, bitter and irritable. I withdraw into myself, remove myself from the conversation and start playing a game on my iPod. When I have something to add, I am not listened to, so I raise my voice, change my manner so I am condescending, and I imply that the girls are all young and stupid. I apologise hastily, but the damage is done.
When I get home I take painkillers. Within half an hour, I can detect no difference in my pain level whatsoever, but there is just enough space in my head to be a decent human being.

I need to learn how to deal with my pain before I turn into a monster. We'll work on that.